A Good Day (sort of)

Today was the real first day with downswings that I think have truly affected us. Maybe we were immune to any downswings before and just didn't care because we always felt we saw progression. This morning was different. The boys did not nurse from the bottle from their 11:00 p.m./12:00 a.m. feedings on Saturday through their 5:00 a.m./6:00 a.m. feedings on Sunday. They were absolutely exhausted, and the nurses just gavaged the boys through their feeding tubes, because they were too tired to even try and feed from a bottle. Melissa and I slept in on Sunday and went to the 11:00 a.m./12:00 p.m. feedings. Both boys were still too tired to nurse or take a bottle at these feedings. This was not good, as it seemed like a definite step backwards since the boys have nursed or taken a bottle from us on nearly every visit over the last 5 days. This made us worry.

During their feedings, we met with the doctor, and he examined the boys as part of their daily check up. He said that both of them physically are doing well, and they had not had anymore heart or lung (apnea) spells that were severe enough to cause him concern. They will have their blood tested again Monday morning to determine whether their blood levels warrant the return of their glow worm lights. All in all, the doctor's report was good. The only downside was his statements that the boys need to gather up the strength to eat from the bottle or from Melissa for 48 straight hours (ad-lib feeding) before they can even be allowed to go home (which he has previously told us). Right now though, the boys are physically unable to feed from Melissa or the bottle for more than 9 - 12 hours it seems since they get so tired. Therefore, it looks like they will be spending some more time in the NICU, and possibly well into Memorial Day weekend. We know right now they will not be home at least until after Wednesday (based on the 48 hour rule and the 24 hour focus time).

The thought of the boys staying any longer at the hospital has really put Melissa and me into the dumps. We have seen a lot of babies who were the same size but later in term come and go recently (in the NICU for a day or less), so that made things tough as well. We want the boys to come home so badly. However, we know the quality of care they are receiving at the NICU is better than we could provide at home. Additionally, they need an environment where they can rest and focus on gaining strength, and the NICU is the right environment for that.

They are 11 days old, which doesn't seem like much, especially since they would be almost 36 weeks if they stayed in the womb. But the fact is they are not 36 weeks along because they did not stay in the womb. They are premies, and we have to remind ourselves that they need more time to develop in the outside world than they would have needed had they stayed in the womb. Melissa and I have to remind ourselves that the babies that we see come in and then leave the NICU are often later term (36 weeks plus) and more developed than our boys are. The time our boys missed in the womb is simply tremendous when analyzed against the recovery time they need to make up for had they remained in the womb the same amount of time.

After the feeding and after listening to the doctor, Melissa and I did what any normal saddened people would do when the power to help your children is out of your hands but when they are in the quality care of others--we went shopping. We went to Wal-Mart to buy some AA batteries. $131.00 and change later . . . I don't think either of us felt any better. So we went home for two hours and continued getting the house ready for an eventual homecoming.

I had a good feeling in my stomach as we went back to the hospital. We came back to the NICU at 5:00 p.m. and the night got better. Both boys nursed really well and both took bottles very well at the 8:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m. feedings. That made us really happy. They also both gained some weight (whereas they lost weight on Saturday), which was like icing on the cake for the evening.

All in all, it stoked that hope that we trust these two little guys to work hard to come home. The doctor has continuously said that it is up to them, and he is right. As a father, I am learning a valuable lesson--I have to trust and have faith in these two kids to do their best and work their way through a very difficult problem with little to no help from us. There will be many more times that this will arise in our lifetimes. Right now, it is very nice having that gut feeling knowing that they will overcome this obstacle and be all right, and also knowing that overcoming this obstacle will be a good start for them.