I have decided that Melissa and I should host a birth control class open to teenagers who think they want to be parents. This realization solidified over the last two nights when the boys made a half-hearted attempt at sleeping Friday and Saturday night. Both nights it seems I woke up (after being up two to three times already) at 3:30 a.m. to a screaming Donovan and his mom holding him walking around the bedroom. I asked if I could help, and Melissa said "no, there is nothing you can do right now." 15 minutes later, I asked again. Same response, then I rinsed the nipple shields. 15 minutes later, repeat, rinse, repeat. After that, Hayden is up, and it is time to work with him.
In light of this, teenagers who think they are cut out for having a baby can come over on Monday, June 11 from 11:00 p.m. until 7:00 a.m. and watch the "Cycle of Deprivation" in order to test whether they truly are ready for parenthood. We will also discuss the following topics:
(1) Diapers: necessity or luxury
(2) Why the Dryer Now Squeaks
(3) Compare and Contrast: A discussion of City Noises at 2:30 a.m. and 4:30 a.m.
(4) Why the Select Comfort Sleep Number Bed people will not use us as a test case; (5) Pros and Cons: Onesizes with snaps v. baby in a bag
(6) Which Infomercials Are Best to Put Baby to Sleep
Additionally, we are pleased to announce during this time that our normal policy of "Ring the Doorbell, Win A Baby" will not apply, and therefore these participants will be under no obligation to help.
I also want to give a redeeming message to Huggies Newborn Supremes. Provided the boys fifth appendages are properly positioned at 6 O'Clock, we have not had any leaks with these Huggies diapers. While Huggies has refused to respond to my previous post about the ridiculously poor performance of their Premie diapers, and while I did not get any free products as a result, I felt encouraged by our most recent batch of Huggies Newborn Supreme diapers to warrant this shout out. Huggies, if you are listening, we would love some free diapers for the heart ache that you caused us last week.
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4 comments:
Kyle....the cycle of deprivation is getting to you......you actually purchased ANOTHER package of Huggies after your experience with their premie size? There are other brands, you know.
Just making sure you know that.
Big Sis (aka collector of trash from construction sites)
Screw the diapers. Potty train them now. (Or just hold them over the toilet until they're 2 years old.)
http://www.amazon.com/Infant-Potty-Training-Primeval-Adapted
-The Retiree
Now is there an enrollment fee for this workshop? Or is it free to the public? I agree with the retiree, they should just be potty trained. Maybe you should add it to the list of items to be discussed.
Hi there, have you thought about them sharing the box with Moose and Heretic? Hmmm... my kids haven't caught on to it either. Am I doing something wrong?
But really, there are parents who do this whole EC (Elimination Communication) and their kids go diaperless. Just google it. It is an interesting world out there.
Also, it is not necessary to subject those two sweeties to bath time hell. Just scrub their bottoms with a clean wet wash cloth, use another one for hands, arms, face and body and rub some warmed lotion on them. Much easier and saves on their torture. Babies do not need to be bathed every day. It is only our germ phobic society that says so. (and Johnson and Johnson). Jules only got a bath ~ once a week. And she a) survived and b) smelled okay in the process.
Wanna keep your lotion warm? Place some in a small bottle and keep in your wipe warmer on top of the wipes. Warm lotion feels sooooo good!
Auntie V
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