Trip to the Mall

The boys and I went to Mayfair Mall on Friday night to hang out. We used the Double Snap N Go, which was totally uncool in looks compared to the red Schwinn Jogging Stroller that I normally use. However, it maneuvers better through clothing aisles. We didn't buy anything. We just did a lot of looking, which was fun.

About 37 people stopped me or tried to grab at the stroller to gawk at the boys. Assault and battery charges could have been filed for at least 19 incidents. Donovan, Hayden and I all felt violated.

Only three people questioned where the boys' mother was at, while we were walking the mall--again implying that she must be somewhere nearby. There were a lot of things I could have said, but I just bit my tongue. Responses I could have made include:

(1) "She is at home reading an article by Gloria Steinem. You might enjoy reading it. I am an expendable cog. Call me bicycle."*
(2) "We don't know where she is, but me and the boys are going on Maury in two weeks to find out who the real mother is through maternity tests."
(3) "Don't you recognize me, I am John from 'John and Kate plus Eight!' Kate is at home with the Sextuplets and all the cameras! Would you like an autograph?"
(4) "She is meeting with a priest to schedule and coordinate the boys' exorcisms."
(5) "She is working at the cellular phone stand near Macy's. Hey, do you need a phone? Oh, you have one, well, you should really have a second one. Why don't you follow the boys and I and you can meet her."

I'd like to know your thoughts on this issue. As you can tell, it agitates me. How would you have responded? Do you have any responses that I could use? Post your thoughts in the comment section.

*I do not know if Ms. Steinem was responsible for the "like a fish needs a bicycle" comment, but it is still a great comment.