OffStar

We have had an interesting week. Melissa took the boys to Wausau to help prepare her Grandma Lucy's property for an estate sale. Grandma Sue and Melissa took the boys out one afternoon. When they got back to Grandma Lucy's house, the boys were still sleeping. They decided to let them continue sleeping in the car. Unfortunately, the car doors locked with the boys and the keys inside and of course with 80+ degree heat.

So, Grandma Sue made a few phone calls to Grandpa Dan and Melissa's cousin's husband Tony, the Wausau PD and to OnStar (since the car was a Chevy Trailblazer). Needless to say, Grandma Sue didn't subscribe to OnStar, but she was more than willing to subscribe to get the doors unlocked.

The call to OnStar was anything "commercial" like. It went something like this:

"Hello, this is OnStar!"

"Hi, my dear grandsons are locked in our car. We don't subscribe to OnStar, but we'd like to subscribe if you can unlock the car!"

"F%&# uou for not subscribing to OnStar!"

"Well, we'd be happy to subscribe, we just need to know what to do . . . after all, you could unlock the car remotely once we subscribe . . . right?"

"Well, to subscribe to OnStar, you need to be in the car and pushing the OnStar button. But, I guess you are screwed, because you are locked out of the car. Maybe you should have continued that trial subscription . . . ."

"Oh, well we will just push the button with a stick by jamming it through the opening the window. We are pressing the OnStar button, is anything happening?"

"Nothing is happening. Are you stupid? Don't you know how to push a button? Maybe you shouldn't lock yourself out of cars."

- Law enforcement arrives and speaks to OnStar!

"OnStar, can you unlock the door, since a law enforcement officer is now here?"

"We won't do it unless the police are there"

"Ma'am, I am the police. Please unlock the door."

"Oh, well we can't unlock it. Sorry, I guess you will have to smash the windows. But don't be surprised if OnStar responds to report a possible theft. Thanks for calling OnStar. If there is any way we can help you rot in hell, then please press the OnStar button."

By this time, Dan and Tony got the window open and the Boys were safe. Our thanks to Grandpa Dan, Tony, and the Wausau PD (very courteous officers). No thanks to OnStar.